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As strange as it sounds: pregnant and yet not pregnant. Someone recently pointed out that I was experiencing pregnancy like a man: sitting out waiting for the baby to come. I like to think of it that way. The grief, loss and shame of infertility are real, and what could be more luxurious than outsourcing the baking of baby cakes? It felt like “something only famous people do,” as my (very excited and supportive) mother said when we first told her. While Summer struggled with nausea and fatigue for the first 12 weeks, I spent the holidays emulating the Race Across the World, visiting friends and celebrating our good news with ice-cold Pét-nat. The biggest and most overwhelming feeling—after the excitement, of course—was a sense of our immense privilege, and, if I’m being completely honest, a sense of guilt. Of wanting more than my fair share. For most people, a ruptured uterus would abruptly end any hope of starting or expanding a family. Surrogacy is not a journey that everyone can pursue, partly because of the high cost. To be able to do it and have a wonderful woman with a super strong uterus do all the heavy lifting is a blessing.

It wasn’t without its stresses, though. Back to those celebrities, Khloé Kardashian has previously admitted that she initially had trouble bonding with her son, Tatum, who was born via surrogacy in July 2023. Of course, this made me nervous, but I think it was a small price to pay for everything we’ll gain by the end of this wild journey. Carefully marking the milestones helped us come to terms with the reality of not having physical changes. We had a small gender reveal party with close friends and family, and it was another boy. I downloaded the apps. (He’s now the size of a carrot, and about to become a papaya.) Having been uncomfortably open—almost boastful, in retrospect—when I was pregnant the first time, I’ve found it hard to tell people this time around, when normally ordering a mocktail or a decaf would be an easy conversation starter. But I’m not alone. The global surrogacy market is expected to grow from $11 billion to an estimated $76 billion over the next decade. The baby-baking business is really growing.

And so when someone like Selena speaks up, it helps. It helps those of us who desperately want to get pregnant but can’t. In voicing her reality and her acceptance, some of the painful truths of infertility can be tempered with hope. What a blessing. Years ago, I used to schedule a wash on laundry day, stepping out of the shower with dripping hair and scrunching it with a warm towel that had just dried it. I continued my routine as usual, but my hair still frizzed. Eventually, my stylist told me that I was also breaking a lot. I went on to list some of the strengthening treatments I’d tried—bond-repairing masks, anti-frizz serums—and thought there was no way I was doing anything wrong. “So, how do you dry your hair?” she’d asked. When I detailed the towel method, she stopped me, saying I should switch to microfiber towels instead.
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